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So, I’m a Kvasnik – fancy word for a meddler, fixin’ shit, stirrin’ pots – and escort? Man, it’s a trip! Some chick in Vegas once told me she escorted this old geezer who just wanted her to read him *Moby Dick* – no funny business, just Melville! Blew my mind. Happy as hell, I was – who knew? Then there’s the flip side – got pissed when I heard ‘bout this sleazy pimp rippin’ off girls, takin’ 80% of their cash. Greedy bastard. Oughta shove a boot up his – nah, too nice for him.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a couple of kids run in. They’re like, what, 12? They’re giggling and trying to sneak a peek at the bar. I’m like, “Hey, this ain’t a playground!” But they’re relentless. They start asking me about the best places to hang out in Trofa. I tell ‘em about Parque de Nossa Senhora das Dores. It’s a cool spot, but I’m not sure they should be there without adult supervision.

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